Thursday 28 January 2010

The Lovely Bones – Directed by Peter Jackson (UK release Feb 2010)




Reviewed by Z. Frame

Having not read the bestselling book by Alice Sebold, I’m glad that I can review Peter Jackson’s Film, The Lovely Bones, without the distraction of knowing the story, and the inevitability of drawing comparisons with the book that it would cause me. Having talked about the film with my wife, who has read the book, I could see where the concerns from some areas about this adaption could come from.

“How do you make a PG rated film whose story centres around the the death, rape and dismemberment of a 14 year old girl?” she asked.

The plot centres around a young, bright, teenage girl Susie Salmon (Saorise Ronan) in 1973 Pennsylvania and her family life in this ‘Partridge Family’ era of 70’s America, bad hair and all (especially Whalberg). The wannabe photographer is full of life, minimal teen angst within her obviously loving family life, and in the first throws of a teenage crush with a young British boy, Ray. Susie’s parents are played adequately well by the aforementioned Whalberg, often bordering on the wooden, but overall handling his scenes with dignity and completely believable emotion. Rachel Weisz as Abigail is convincing, but her character seems to be less a pivotal part of Jackson’s narrative as it was, apparently, in Sebold’s novel (extra plotlines involving Abigail are hinted at but never followed up). Susan Saradon, as Susie’s boozed up Grandmother offers some light comic relief within the family, but her role is one of  supporting cast.

Young Susie Salmon, played excellently by Ronan, finds herself bumping into neighbour George Harvey, played with creepy, understated skill by Stanley Tucci, as she walks home from school across deserted farmland. The friendly George encourages the girl to come and see an underground ‘den’ that he had built for use by the local kids to play in. Oh dear. Initially suspicious, but not wanting to hurt George’s feelings, Susie follows him down to the creepy hideaway in the middle of the field. The hideaway is eerie, suggestively filled with teen magazines, dolls, with the feel of a paedophile lair, and Susie makes a bid to escape.

You don’t see Susie’s death, as her anxious family wait for her to return home. She doesn’t get home though. We know she’s dead, but Jackson doesn’t fully explore how she’s died, and I don’t think he needs to. The film flows into a mix of stunning, highly imaginative, creative, stunning imagery as it portrays the teenager coming to terms with her own death, stuck in a form of heavenly purgatory, and watching over the events that unfold within the lives of those she has left behind. Her father, mother, killer, and older sister Lyndsey (played brilliantly and improving as her part in the story unfolds by Rose McIver) are shown to be dealing with Susie’s death in very different ways. I felt the role of Susie’s parent’s relationship breakdown was somewhat rushed over, although this left more time for the developing chase for Harvey, pursued by an ever more inquisitive Lyndsey, and the beautiful, fantastical after-life sequences to shine brilliantly through.

At times darkly horrific, whilst others beautifully heartfelt and powerful ,I found Peter Jackson’s ‘The Lovely Bones’ to be a hugely individual and emotional film, avoiding over sentimentality, and a stunning visual, dream-like feast. It is one of the most moving, touching and unique films I have seen in a long time, very different to anything else out there in many ways, and a superb addition to Peter Jackson’s varied collection of films.

DAYBREAKERS (2009) - Directed: Michael Spierig, Peter Spierig



STARRING: ETHAN HAWKE, WILLEM DAFOE
GIVEN the several hundred other vampire films, books and TV shows it's going up against at the moment, this latest take on the blood-sucker myth deserves some credit for coming up with a compelling, well-executed premise. Ten years into an epidemic t
hat has made vampires the dominant species on Earth, their constant plundering of natural resources (that's us) has ensured that genuine human blood is in critically short supply. With large numbers of this suddenly starving population set to devolve into cannibalistic vampire maniacs, a workable blood substitute is desperately required to avert chaos. Enter reluctant vampire Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke), a haematologist with human sympathies who works for the biggest blood bank in the country. He's days away from a developing a blood substitute, but when he accidentally stumbles upon a cure, he finds himself taking up with the human resistance and hunted down by his company's evil CEO (Sam Neil). Stylishly made by Australian directing brothers Michael and Peter Spierig, this is a vampire film unafraid to bare its fangs and, with a decent cast and a solid, admirably economical script that packs in plenty of themes and ideas, Daybreakers is one of the most purely pleasurable genre films of recent months. 

By Alistair Harkness


Wednesday 27 January 2010

Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre (2010) - Director: Júlíus Kemp






Production stills from the upcoming film, Reykjavic Whale watching Massacre, which has to have the greatest name for a recent horror film. Starring the great 'Gunnar Hansen', catch this film at this years Glasgow Frightfest in February!


Trent Haaga's CHOP (2010) In production


We're looking forward to this one here. Check out the link to the all new trailer for Trent Haaga's CHOP, currently fiming.

CHOP TRAILER

District 9 (2009) - Directed by Neil Blomkamp


Reviewed by Zimmer F


FREEDOM FOR PRAWNS!!!

In a time were we are constantly faced with the refugee issue in our real lives. Neill Blomkamps interesting sci-fi, documentary style film explores, with a mix of pure camp humour, as well as touching humanistic insight, the issue of immigration (especially apartheid) set in modern South Africa.

The film centres on the results of an event happening in Johannesburg, when a giant Alien spaceship arrives in modern South Africa, carrying over a million alien inhabitants (named by the humans as 'prawns).

The story follows 20 years on from this 'event', and sees our anti-hero
Wikus van der Merwe (Sharlto Copley), a government employee ,put in charge of evicting the 'prawns' from the grimy, shanty town ghetto district known as 'District 9'. Wikus finds himself exposed to an alien chemical, which starts to slowly turn him into a hybrid of one of the aliens he is hunting down, and finds himself on the run from the evil  MNU corporation that he once worked for.

The documentary style footage, mixed with fake and real news footage, home videos and interviews adds to the overall tone of the film. It starts off firmly tongue in cheek, comical, with the bumbling Wikus and his team entering District 9 on a mission to 'clean up' the crime ridden area. It moves on to a darker and more cruel view of modern day racism and segregation / ghettoism, but still manages to tackle these serious issues whilst retaining it's humour.

Along with the obvious apartheid like allegory, the fims sci-fi action really comes into play in the latter parts of the film. The continuing transformation of Wikus into 'Prawn' allows the now hunted Wikus from grabbing hold of some of the aliens extremely advanced and lethal weaponry (these can only be used with alien DNA), and blasting his way, often gorilly, through the MNU soldiers hunting him down.

District 9 is a fantastically original film, in a genre which has much needed a real injection of originality. With Blomkamp's clever use of documentary style fiming,  real humour mixed with modern cruelty, District 9 is a film which deserves to be seen and enjoyed.

OFFICIAL SITE

Psych 9 (2010) - Directed by Andrew Shortell



An unstable young woman is forced into solving the mystery of her own past, after securing a job working nights in a recently closed hospital, collating records.

It appears that recent events may be linked with a number of very recent murders.

Will she survive?

Directed by - Andrew Shortell

released feb 2010


OFFICIAL PSYCH 9 SITE

Wrong Turn 3 - Left for Dead (2009) Directed by Declan O'Brien




Reviewed by Andy Bourne

It's open season on teenagers as Three Finger and his cannibalistic clan of inbred mutants hunt a group of hikers though the backwoods. When a prison transport bus crashes nearby, the fleeing convicts become the next items on the menu.

The third film in the 'Wrong Turn' series, following on from Joe Lynch's excellent self parody that was 'Wrong Turn 2 - Dead End', sees the 'franchise return to a more standard form of 'Hills Have Eyes' rip-off fair which epitamised the first film back in 2003.

Left for Dead sees a group of young, dumb college kids rafting into the backwoods lair of 'three fingers' and his deformed son's woodland lair, and setting up camp. We don't have to wait long for the killing to start ( a blessing when you compare this to 'Albino Farm's boring first 45 minutes) as the kids are chopped down. The one remaining survivor heads deeper into the woods to try and escape from her deformed hillbilly attackers, as the plot shifts to our next group of prepared victims in the form of Chavez ( Tamer Hassan ) and his group of escaped convicts who are, not only trying to avoid the booby traps and attacks from 'three fingers', but having found a ton of stolen money within the woods, are trying to avoid killing each other off for the loot.

What we are then left with is a bucketload of very gory killings. We here at Schlocking Towers are all for that, don't get me wrong,although what we see is quite imaginative and brutal, it also relies heavilly on one of our pet hates. CGI blood! As each of our characters are picked off one by one, the blood flows very freely, it just looks so damn false at times.

The performances, on the whole, are pretty good, although the standard plot set up was never going to call for much in the way of a performance. Tamer Hassan, as much as we love him here and in general, does not pull off an American accent at all well. But hey, this film isn't out to win awards. The action for all it's formulaic setting never faultered, kept moving at a good pace, and at least didn't take it's time in working it's way through the cast to it's 'twist' at the end.

One thing that I found strange was the writing in of the US Marshalls 'Rescue Team'. If I found myself trapped in a wood pursued by deformed hillbilly mutants, I wouldn't hold out for this useless bunch of hams to rescue me.

All in all, although not a patch on the second film ( It would have had to really pull out the stops to top the maniacal performance of Henry Rollins), Wrong Turn 3 - Left for Dead is a reasonably satisfying 'hillbilly splatter' film that never trys to punch above it's weight.

Just wish the CGI had been toned down!!

The Reeds (2010) - Directed by Nick Cohen



Blood and gore in the Norfolk Broads.

A weekend boating party turns into a nightmare for a group of young Londoners when they stumble upon a terrifying secret hidden in the reeds.

Directed by - Nick Cohen


OFFICIAL REEDS WEBSITE

Released 1st quarter 2010

The Graves (2010) - Directed by Brian Pulido



'Present day. Arizona. Megan and Abby Graves are inseparable sisters that couldn’t be less alike. Megan is a self-assured, naturally attractive, ass kicker. Abby is a cute, caustic, Hot Topic Goth who’s afraid of her own shadow.'

With Megan about to start a new job in New York the sisters decide to take a trip to Arizona where they find themselves lured to an abandoned town called Skull City,

Apparently haunted and full of mysterious secrets, can the girls survive the terrors that are present in this god foresaken place?

Visit the official 'Graves' site

Albino Farm (2009) - Directed by Joe Anderson / Sean McEwen

Reviewed by Andy B


Well...what do we have here?

We have college students. We have them going off the beaten track because their curiosity gets the better of them, after hearing talk of the 'legend of Albino Farm'. We have a town full of crazy hillbilly redneck types, waitresses with pig trotters for hands and sloping foreheaded dwarfs with a taste for scraping roadkill up for a snack.
We have a twisted, bible spouting granny who shocks two of our kids when they catch her breastfeeding a deformed, noseless baby in the town's church.
And we have WWE star Chris Jericho who camps it up as Levi, a hillbilly miscreant who promises to take our kids to the afformentioned Albino Farm on the condition that Melody (Alicia Lagano) gives him and his buddies a flash of her 'thruppeny bits'.

Sounds great doesn't it?

From the moment we meet our four History students (including the lovely Tammin Sursok) at the beginning of the film, you know it's only a matter of time before they are going to be picked off. And in fairness, they are so annoying you can't wait for this to start happening. And this is were I feel this very typical, 'wrong turn' style hillbilly horror lets you down. The film takes far too long in getting to the killing, that by the time you actually get there, you've already started to lose interest in where 'Albino Farm' is headed. The students are given far too long to 'perform', when the acting and their (lack of) story isn't required, because they just aren't interesting enough to hold down any kind of character development.

One area that is, on the whole, really quite impressive, is the 'creature' make up effects and prosthetics by Jason Barnett. The repulsivelive 'Pig Bitch', played by Bianca Barnett for example, are all excellent (when you can see them). And the one quite genuinely shocking part of the film, which sees two of our annoying kids sewn together and then ripped apart is quite a satisfyingly gory sequence.

Overall, what could have been a satisfying, if far from original, hillbilly slasher flick, fails to deliver the blood and guts required. Full marks for the make-up, it's just a shame that they never got a bigger part to play in 'Albino Farm'.


The Violent Kind (2009) - The Butcher Brothers

The BUTCHER BROTHERS (the filmmaking alter egos of Mitchell Altieri and Phil Flores)from San Fransisco, California claim to have been making films since they " found a camera near a car accident".

Previous films by the duo include the excellent 'THE HAMILTONS' (which is reviewed in this site), 'Lurking in Suburbia', and 'Black Sunset'.

2010's 'The Violent Kind' is due to be screened at this years SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL at the end of Jauary.


We are looking forward to this one, watch out for our review coming soon!

Eden Lake - Written and directed by - James Watkins(2009)


Zimmer F

IF YOU GO DOWN TO THE WOODS TODAY...............


You're hopefully not going to run into our, hoody wearing, coke snorting scallies out to happy-slap you, and wreck you're romantic camping weekend!
But if you're our hapless, unlucky, 'loved-up' city folks, Jenny (Kelly Riley) and Steve  (Michael Fassbender), then this weekend, your luck might be about to run out.

This tasty little Brit shocker from James Watkins ( writer of 'My little Eye', and 'Descent 2') sees middle class primary school teacher Jenny, and her doting boyfriend Steve, leave the 'big smoke' and head out on a romantic camping weekend in one of Steve's favourite beauty spots, set in beautiful woodland ,surrounding a picturesque lake. But it's not only scuba diving in the lake, and under canvas frolics that the handsome Steve is after. He is looking to propse to his schoolteacher girlfriend, and has ring and bended knee at the ready.

Steve is shocked to find that his idilic camping spot is now the subject of a proposed building development 'Eden Lake', a kind of gated urban set up. Building work hasn't started yet, but the area is surrounded by high security fencing, and an ominous sign explaing the future plans for the site. Unperterbed, the couple ignore the sign, with added grafitti warnings, and find away into the site via a 4 by 4 gap in the builders fencing.

The couple then find themselves caught up in a terryfying fight for survival with a bunch of 'feral', dangerous dog weilding hoodies, led by the scary Reece (Bronson Webb). What follows is a relentless asault of savage barbarity which, drawing on the popular urban fears of, not only the 'daily mail' view of 'underclass' British youth, but wrongly many of the rest of us. It grabs hold of this fear of urban 'hoodies' and  launches them into the centre of this unrelenting and often shocking film with satisfying, and often excrutiating violence.

Add to that the 'table-turning' revenge thrills, the excellently twisted performance of Bronson Webb (of 'Skins' fame) as Reece, and the satisfyingly black and 'unhappy' ending, Eden Lake is shockingly British, and a film deserving of more than it's 'sleeper' status both here in the UK and the rest of the world.

Defective Man - The 'you can't illegally download it on the torrents site yet' cut


Reviewed by - Andy Bourne

Defective -
Pronunciation: \di-ˈfek-tiv\
Function: adjective
1 a : imperfect in form or function; falling below the norm in structure or in mental or physical function

Man -
Pronunciation: \ˈman
Function: noun
 1 : an individual human; especially : an adult male human

Here at schlocking towers, we believe in the power of the independent, of the camp, the slightly, if not overwhelmingly, schlocky and fun. So when we got the chance to review 'the you can't illegally download it on the torrent sites yet cut' of  SB FILMS 's  ' Defective Man', we grasped the opportunity with both hands.

The film centres on the (mis)adventures of our two main protagonists. The not-so-super DEFECTIVE MAN (Paul Alsing), always speaking in third person and complete with grey one-piece thermals, mask, and red bath towel for a cape. And the sex obsessed, porn loving HORN DOG (Arturo Negro), resplendent in Mexican wrestling mask with huge dildo strapped to the forehead, and equipped with a utility belt consisting of whips, furry cuffs and canned cream.  The hapless pair had earlier found themselves involved in a 'stationary related' chemical accident in the work's supply cupboard, and, having "consumed enough chemicals to kill Hunter S. Thompson", the pair are transformed into a defective crime fighting duo in the workplace.

Well, sort of!

The only problem is, the chemical accident they were involved in ‘didn’t’ really give them any kind of crime-fighting super-hero powers. Instead, they find themselves totally annoying their Company with crap 'super hero' antics. And although the 'un-dynamic duo' were initially tolerated by management ( because they feared breaching any disability legislation ), the organisation struck a deal with our goofy heroes. The pair are paid off with full salary and benefits, for the rest of their lives, on the condition they never return to work again.


Armed with their pay-offs, the pair set up a 'freelance low impact law enforcement agency' which sets out to offer 'crime fighting at basement prices' to the general public. The duo's 'not so secret' lair consists of a hundred square feet in the back of a factory, the shop front disguised as a travel agent.

The couple call on two of Defective Man's equally oddball friends. CAPTAIN ORANGE-PISS (Steve Eckles), who sprays and neutralises his enemies using his 'voluminous' orange urine, and the bizarre half man half fish called BILL GILL ( Josh Saavedra), complete with his own 'Bill Gill' language which has to be subtitled to be understood.

With this, our crime fighting team become the 'Defective Four'. Together they set out to foil an evil, and overly elaborate plot to flood the town using hallucinogenic drugs. The plot is hatched by Defective Man's ex-girlfriend, HEVVY FLO, played by the lovely Haylee Nelson, complete with maniacal and grating super villain cackle, and 'motivational speaker' RONNY TOBINS, the latter played superbly by Trent Haaga.

This Independent, low budget, extremely camp comedy may not have the flash cinematography or polished production values of it's Hollywood equivalents. Far from it. The production is extremely competent but befitting of it's obviously meagre budget restraints. The acting, on the whole, is hammy and extremely camp. 'Defective Man' is meant to be that way. The film itself is undeniably camp and cheesy, and doesn't try to be anything else.
'Defective Man' is hilarious. The characters are born from the bizarre to the ridiculous, especially the 'sex pest' Horn Dog, complete with GHB laced edible panties and 'ninja like' throwing weapon called the 'Dildostar' which he uses to incapacitate enemy guards.

With great set pieces such as a b-boy vs 'superhero' dance-off, a hilarious 'animated' sequence detailing Horn Dog's visions of a cannibal mariachi band after consuming a 'magic mushroom', and the gorgeous Elske McCain  pelting Ronny Tobins' audience with rotten fruit, 'Defective Man' is a triumph of independent campiness.

The film is chock full of heart, obvious passion (it has taken four years to get to this 'almost' complete cut of the film), as well as being very funny (Bill Gill's fish head has to be seen to be believed).
With a promised appearance by TROMA INC's 'Lloyd Kaufman' being added to the final cut (the film itself having a very 'Troma-like' feel whilst retaining it's originality), and a fantastic soundtrack ( I'm liking the punk guitar sound of 'Rebilt'), 'Defective Man' is a triumph of no frills ,camp independent comedy cinema.

As the President of New Mexico says in the film: "Fine job, fine job all"