Albino Farm (2009) - Directed by Joe Anderson / Sean McEwen

Reviewed by Andy B


Well...what do we have here?

We have college students. We have them going off the beaten track because their curiosity gets the better of them, after hearing talk of the 'legend of Albino Farm'. We have a town full of crazy hillbilly redneck types, waitresses with pig trotters for hands and sloping foreheaded dwarfs with a taste for scraping roadkill up for a snack.
We have a twisted, bible spouting granny who shocks two of our kids when they catch her breastfeeding a deformed, noseless baby in the town's church.
And we have WWE star Chris Jericho who camps it up as Levi, a hillbilly miscreant who promises to take our kids to the afformentioned Albino Farm on the condition that Melody (Alicia Lagano) gives him and his buddies a flash of her 'thruppeny bits'.

Sounds great doesn't it?

From the moment we meet our four History students (including the lovely Tammin Sursok) at the beginning of the film, you know it's only a matter of time before they are going to be picked off. And in fairness, they are so annoying you can't wait for this to start happening. And this is were I feel this very typical, 'wrong turn' style hillbilly horror lets you down. The film takes far too long in getting to the killing, that by the time you actually get there, you've already started to lose interest in where 'Albino Farm' is headed. The students are given far too long to 'perform', when the acting and their (lack of) story isn't required, because they just aren't interesting enough to hold down any kind of character development.

One area that is, on the whole, really quite impressive, is the 'creature' make up effects and prosthetics by Jason Barnett. The repulsivelive 'Pig Bitch', played by Bianca Barnett for example, are all excellent (when you can see them). And the one quite genuinely shocking part of the film, which sees two of our annoying kids sewn together and then ripped apart is quite a satisfyingly gory sequence.

Overall, what could have been a satisfying, if far from original, hillbilly slasher flick, fails to deliver the blood and guts required. Full marks for the make-up, it's just a shame that they never got a bigger part to play in 'Albino Farm'.