Defective -
Pronunciation: \di-ˈfek-tiv\
Function: adjective
1 a : imperfect in form or function; falling below the norm in structure or in mental or physical function
Man -
Pronunciation: \ˈman
Function: noun
1 : an individual human; especially : an adult male human
Here at schlocking towers, we believe in the power of the independent, of the camp, the slightly, if not overwhelmingly, schlocky and fun. So when we got the chance to review 'the you can't illegally download it on the torrent sites yet cut' of SB FILMS 's ' Defective Man', we grasped the opportunity with both hands.
The film centres on the (mis)adventures of our two main protagonists. The not-so-super DEFECTIVE MAN (Paul Alsing), always speaking in third person and complete with grey one-piece thermals, mask, and red bath towel for a cape. And the sex obsessed, porn loving HORN DOG (Arturo Negro), resplendent in Mexican wrestling mask with huge dildo strapped to the forehead, and equipped with a utility belt consisting of whips, furry cuffs and canned cream. The hapless pair had earlier found themselves involved in a 'stationary related' chemical accident in the work's supply cupboard, and, having "consumed enough chemicals to kill Hunter S. Thompson", the pair are transformed into a defective crime fighting duo in the workplace.
Well, sort of!
The only problem is, the chemical accident they were involved in ‘didn’t’ really give them any kind of crime-fighting super-hero powers. Instead, they find themselves totally annoying their Company with crap 'super hero' antics. And although the 'un-dynamic duo' were initially tolerated by management ( because they feared breaching any disability legislation ), the organisation struck a deal with our goofy heroes. The pair are paid off with full salary and benefits, for the rest of their lives, on the condition they never return to work again.
Armed with their pay-offs, the pair set up a 'freelance low impact law enforcement agency' which sets out to offer 'crime fighting at basement prices' to the general public. The duo's 'not so secret' lair consists of a hundred square feet in the back of a factory, the shop front disguised as a travel agent.
The couple call on two of Defective Man's equally oddball friends. CAPTAIN ORANGE-PISS (Steve Eckles), who sprays and neutralises his enemies using his 'voluminous' orange urine, and the bizarre half man half fish called BILL GILL ( Josh Saavedra), complete with his own 'Bill Gill' language which has to be subtitled to be understood.
With this, our crime fighting team become the 'Defective Four'. Together they set out to foil an evil, and overly elaborate plot to flood the town using hallucinogenic drugs. The plot is hatched by Defective Man's ex-girlfriend, HEVVY FLO, played by the lovely Haylee Nelson, complete with maniacal and grating super villain cackle, and 'motivational speaker' RONNY TOBINS, the latter played superbly by Trent Haaga.
This Independent, low budget, extremely camp comedy may not have the flash cinematography or polished production values of it's Hollywood equivalents. Far from it. The production is extremely competent but befitting of it's obviously meagre budget restraints. The acting, on the whole, is hammy and extremely camp. 'Defective Man' is meant to be that way. The film itself is undeniably camp and cheesy, and doesn't try to be anything else.
'Defective Man' is hilarious. The characters are born from the bizarre to the ridiculous, especially the 'sex pest' Horn Dog, complete with GHB laced edible panties and 'ninja like' throwing weapon called the 'Dildostar' which he uses to incapacitate enemy guards.
With great set pieces such as a b-boy vs 'superhero' dance-off, a hilarious 'animated' sequence detailing Horn Dog's visions of a cannibal mariachi band after consuming a 'magic mushroom', and the gorgeous Elske McCain pelting Ronny Tobins' audience with rotten fruit, 'Defective Man' is a triumph of independent campiness.
The film is chock full of heart, obvious passion (it has taken four years to get to this 'almost' complete cut of the film), as well as being very funny (Bill Gill's fish head has to be seen to be believed).
With a promised appearance by TROMA INC's 'Lloyd Kaufman' being added to the final cut (the film itself having a very 'Troma-like' feel whilst retaining it's originality), and a fantastic soundtrack ( I'm liking the punk guitar sound of 'Rebilt'), 'Defective Man' is a triumph of no frills ,camp independent comedy cinema.
As the President of New Mexico says in the film: "Fine job, fine job all"
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